Last week my column was about reasons to sleep naked — intimacy, comfort, easy access, and so on. But there are some times when you just don’t want to sleep naked, or you can’t, or it doesn’t feel right. And that’s perfectly okay. Hell, even if you never want to sleep naked, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
Here are six of the best reasons to sleep with clothes on:
6. Getting caught in the blankets. — Both men and women have parts that stick out, although as a man I don’t know what it’s like to get my boobs caught in a fold of the blanket. Other things, though? Yeah, that happens sometimes. Wearing some sort of pajamas at least keeps your parts in place (unless you peek out of your pants, or your top gets pulled askew) until you need them.
5. Pajamas can be cute. — In the past, I really wasn’t a fan of pajamas one way or the other. But recently I’ve come to appreciate that a cute pajama set can be fun. I’ve given full-body pajamas as a gift, and while they’re usually too warm to wear in bed, they’re certainly fun to wear around the house. Plus, there’s usually not much on underneath them, which is its own kind of fun. Excepting that, though, even a pair of sleep pants and a tank top can be cute and fun to wear.
4. Pajamas can be sexy. — Yes, yes, there are plenty of companies that sell “sexy bedtime wear” for men and women, but that’s not what I’m talking about. What do pajamas make you think about? Lounging around, being comfortable, going to bed, not having anything on underneath… all of those things can be sexy. Plus, I’m told that many women like seeing guys in just a pair of sleep pants, maybe with an unbuttoned pajama shirt. I could be wrong about that, though.
3. Warmer in the winter. — If you’re naked in bed, there’s nothing protecting you from the cold except your blanket and your heater. Wearing warm pajamas to bed in the winter allows you to lower your heating bills by keeping you warmer in bed.
2. Convenient clothing. — People who sleep naked usually have pajamas anyway, when you get right down to it, in the form of soft pants and shirts they don’t really care about. When I wake up and don’t have to work, I’ll usually throw something like that on… if I remembered to take it out the night before. Unless it’s to go to the bathroom (and not even then if I’m not at home), I always have to find clothes to put on before I can leave my bedroom, and that can be really inconvenient. Or, I mean, just a pain in the ass when I want to amble out to the couch, flop down, and play on my computer while I wait for my brain to wake up.
1. There came a knock upon the door. — This one’s mostly for parents, and if you are a parent, you know exactly how it feels for your kids to knock on your door at night because they had bad dreams, or need a drink, or just can’t sleep… or, worse, when they wake up screaming and all you want to do is get to their room to comfort them. If you wear pajamas, all you have to do is jump out of bed and run for the kids; if you sleep naked, there’s the fumbling with clothes, the tripping over stuff on the floor, the yelling “just a minute, just a minute”, and so on. And of course if your kids just climb into bed with you, pajamas are a must-wear. Fortunately that wasn’t something I ever had to deal with, but I know many parents do.
Are you a woman? Do you wear a bra to sleep? I’ve never known a woman who thought this was a good idea; most women I know find bras to be a necessary evil, in point of fact. So why is it that so many actresses wake up wearing them? Especially after sex — did you really put your sexy bra on after a night of boinking? Of course not!
The reason this happens is because of sex — because America has over-sexualized breasts to the point that we have countless articles about women having shade thrown at them for breast-feeding their children in public. You can’t show bare breasts on television at all, and you can only show a quick flash in movies rated lower than R. But in real life, if you have great sex and then fall asleep next to your partner, what are the odds you’re going to get up in the middle of the night and put your bra back on?
We need to get over this hump. Yes, boobs are awesome; yes, boobs are sexy; yes, boobs are fun. But 52 percent of the population has boobs, and it’s ridiculous that only the other 48 percent is allowed to display their nipples.
Grow up, America.
Got an idea for a future “Six of the Best” column? Tweet it to me @listener42.