SIX OF THE BEST… Poop Revelations

Hi everyone! I’m guest-writing for Josh this week. As you may know, we’ve lived together for almost a year now. Leaving with a partner has it’s amazing moments – morning kisses, lots of snuggles, and sharing responsibilities. It can also be an adjustment. For me, one of the biggest adjustments was all the casualness regarding bodily functions. Even when, sometimes especially when, his daughter is with us.

Without further ado – Six of the Best (depending on how you look at it) Poop Revelations:

Farts: I’m not saying I never fart – obviously everyone does – but it’s not frequent. Josh and his daughter fart A LOT. Usually they are polite about it and leave the room (especially Josh), but sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way. Especially when his daughter knows it’s going to be epic. I’m pretty desensitized now, which is not something I ever saw coming when I moved in. (And yes, I know farts aren’t the same as poop… it’s close enough.)

Timing Poops: I think it’s fairly safe to say that it takes everyone longer to poop than to pee. Totally normal. I had no idea, however, just how much longer it takes Josh to poop. His daughter and I frequently groan and give each other “the look” when he says he has to poop before we can do whatever activity we have planned. It’s going to take at least 20 minutes. At least.

Technology: Josh cannot poop without his phone. Literally cannot. It’s funny, but it’s also a sad byproduct of all the technology in our lives. I’m sure he’s not the only one, and I don’t give him a hard time about it (much), but it was something I wasn’t used to before moving in. It does come in handy sometimes if I need to text him about something. I just try really hard not to think about what he’s doing while he responds.

Terminology: I’ve learned at least two phrases concerning poop since I moved in. One is “home bowl advantage” which basically means you’d rather poop at home than not-at-home. I never really thought about it before, but I can get on board with that idea. The second is “poop friend.” Apparently it’s common (in Josh’s world at least) to have a friend that is designated as your friend to talk about poop with. I try not to think about it much, but it’s apparently handy when you have a weird or otherwise notable poop that you “have” to share.

Unnecessary knowledge: Josh knows lots of weird things, especially about the internet. I never know what strange fact he’s going to bestow upon me. For instance, I have been advised to never go to ratemypoo.com. I don’t know what’s funnier – that the site exists or that Josh feels the need to warn me away from it, as if I would EVER go to that site. (If you enjoy this point, you’re gonna love the bonus content below.)

Comfort: If I have stomach issues, I don’t have to be embarrassed. I may not join in the burp contests or whatnot, but when I have to go poop, it’s not a big deal. If I accidentally fart in front of Josh or his daughter, it’s not a big deal. In a weird way, it’s comforting. I literally don’t have to hide anything from him. And that’s the best result possible from moving in with someone you love.

Bonus Content: Never did I ever think I would be writing such an article!

Also, did you know there are lots of apps related to pooping? Here are a few if you’re curious:

Poopductive: video or chat with others while you both poop
Poop Salary (Android): figure out how much money you are getting paid to poop at work
PoopLog (Android or iOS): record and track all your poops
Places I’ve Pooped (iOS): pin and track all the public places you’ve pooped