In celebration of the DVD and BluRay release of The Dark Night Rises, Bella Blitz and Smartly Sarah are going head to head in a battle to decide who is 2012’s Most Epic Villain. In Smartly Sarah’s corner we have The Avengers’ Loki: Asgard’s fallen prince and God of Mischief. In Bella Blitz’s corner we have TDKR’s Bane: mercenary, badass and all around enormous motherfucker.
Round 1: Nemesis
Bane only has one man with deep pockets and a lot of technology as enemy. Loki has a man with deep pockets and a lot of technology AND a demi-god, a super soldier, a Hulk and two master assassins to defeat.
Round 2: Weapon
Loki’s glow stick of destiny is impressive and phallic, but Bane’s fists beat off the competition without fail.
Round 3: World-Destroying Nuclear Weapon
Let’s face it: any first world country can build a nuke, but the Tesseract is one of the most powerful artifacts in the entire universe. Even The Doctor is scared of it.
Round 4: Henchmen
A race of alien bug men should easily win this round, but they all magically dropped dead after Iron Man nuked the mothership. That is seriously lame. Bane’s motley crew of sewer mercs win by default.
Round 5: Apparent Motivation
This round is a draw. Whether motivation is fueled by sibling rivalry or unrequited love, it leads to blind devotion or rage. Which is really bad for everyone involved.
Round 6: Biggest Weakness
Bane’s only weakness stronger than his rebreather is his devotion to Talia al Guhl. Sure, lady love can be distracting, but Loki “I could have done it, father!” Odinson has some seriously crippling daddy issues.
Round 7: Hot Female Nemesis
When comparing Scarlett Johansson in a skintight leather catsuit to Anne Hathaway in a skintight leather catsuit, we call it a draw. (We’ll be in our bunks.)
Round 8: Ultimate Back-Breaking Moment
Bane wins this one before the bell even rings. Loki’s Hulk smashing adventure is the most hilarious part of The Avengers. When Bane snapped Bruce Wayne’s spine, no one was fucking laughing.
Round 9: Catchphrase
Loki may have an army, but Bane IS Gotham’s Reckoning. (And Wreck-ining.)
Round 10: End Game
When Bane got blown to bits by Selina Kyle on the Batpod, we were all a little disappointed. What a petty way for such an epic villain to die. However, we think Loki got the truly short side of the end game stick. Dying might actually be a less cruel fate than returning to Asgard and facing Odin’s wrath. In Thor 2, we expect to see Odin eating Loki’s liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
It’s a tie. Comparing Loki and Bane is a very apples to oranges situation, but mostly it’s a tie because we didn’t want Bella Blitz and Smartly Sarah to keep having fist fights in the ladies room at the Nerdery Public offices.
Loki vs Bane..Sarah vs Bella..Tesla vs Edison..I love nerd throwdowns! 🙂
fists and tits flying everywhere. good thing i make nerdy pasties!