I wanted to publish this article at 12:12 today. But, I thought that might be pushing fate. And fuck that bitch, she pushes back.

So, today is 12/12/12. The last sequential date of the century. I’m confused by this. What happens when you throw the “20” in there? 12/12/2012 – Then it’s just another fucking Wednesday, isn’t it? Either way, today I’m celebrating the pre Mayan apocalypse with twelves, all the way down. Won’t you join me?

12:12am: Play World of Warcraft
1:12am: Still playing World of Warcraft
2:12am: Watch How I Met Your Mother
3:12am: Finally go to bed
4:12am: Sleep
5:12am: Dream
6:12am: Still sleeping
7:12am: Talk in sleep
8:12am: Be awoken by the county so they can work on replacing a light pole in the backyard.
9:12am: Contemplate breakfast
10:12am: Complain about being hungry, while sorting through emails
11:12am: Is it too early for porn?
12:12pm: One minute dance party to celebrate 12:12 on 12/12/12
1:12pm: Contemplate lunch
2:12pm: Remember to take pill
3:12pm: Take pill
4:12pm: Contemplate lunch
5:12pm: Become crazy, hungry rage monster from lack of any sustenance
6:12pm: Eat something, crazy bitch
7:12pm: Be productive
8:12pm: Pretend to continue to be productive
9:12pm: Harass friends
10:12pm: Play World of Warcraft
11:12pm: Still playing World of Warcraft
12:12am: One minute dance party to celebrate living through 12/12/12

But, really. I’ve been looking for shit about this here “numerically significant” date, and what I’ve found is a bunch of “news” sites giving advice for what to do on this date. So, along with my daily schedule here’s a list of 12 things you COULD do today:

Quit your job:
You won’t need it anymore, right? You hated it anyway. And with the end of the world nearly here, why stick around and continue to be miserable. Make the most out of your last nine days on earth. And, if you plan on surviving this Mayan doomsday, you can be your own damn boss!

Prep your Bug Out Bag:
Remember that series that Darwin Law did for you a while back about creating your own bug out bag? It might be a good time to check that out and get to packing. You never know when you’ll need to hit the road with some top-notch survival stuffs. Oh wait, yes you do – December 21st. Well, at least now you’ll be prepared.

Eat a dozen donuts:
Because donuts are fucking delicious, and there are 12 of them. Duh.

Take a nap:
You deserve it. The world is about to come to an end after all. I would take a nap, but my schedule is pretty full. Damn. (Also, donut coma).

Marry a virgin:
If you can find one.

Sacrifice said virgin to Cthulhu:
You found a virgin, and married her. Good for you. Now, sacrifice that bitch to the Elder God. You didn’t want to deflower her anyway, it’s the end of days – you want it dirty with a woman that knows her sexual business and you know it.

Read What Would Cthulhu Do:
These Cultist friends of ours haven’t been answering your questions every week for nothing. Bone up on what Cthulhu expects from you and help make his awakening a great one!

Slap anyone singing The 12 Days of Christmas:
Mostly, I just want everyone to slap people singing Christmas carols, but this one seems particularly appropriate considering the theme of the day.

Watch 12 Monkeys:
That movie was fucking fabulous. Just sayin’.

Throw a party:
Why the fuck not? You’ve had a long day so far. You got married and became a widow all in the same day (if you did it right). You slapped random people and watched a pretty confusing movie. you know what…

Take another nap.

Create your “rapture” letters:
Oh, this is my favorite part! Should you be a believer in this here apocalypse or in the Rapture, there is a website dedicated to helping you send your final words to your friends and family via pre-written letters! Oh yes, it’s fucking true, and it’s fucking AWESOME! I, for one, am really looking forward to this part of my day. Wait. It’s not on my schedule? Well. Shit. Oh well. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t going to ascend to the heavens anyway. Duh.

So, there ya have it folks. Enjoy your Wednesday. Or your day of reckoning. Or whatever. And, hey, if you don’t eat all of your donuts, can I have one?