Let me be clear and fair, this is not Jason Momoa’s fault, I just really like to say and write MOMOA … say it with me … MO MO AH. Okay good, now onto business.
Let me start by saying, I love Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. LOVE them. I don’t care how bad they are, if he’s been dubbed over or if he was accused of grabbing a tit off camera. I was raised watching him on the big screen – case in point, my first movie theater experience was when I was 4 and my parents took me to see Commando. I know, you’re thinking, “But, Bella, that’s too young for that movie!” Yeah, probably, but I haven’t killed anyone yet, so moving right along.
I knew from the moment the music started what movie I was seeing, and the opening scene where you see nothing but boots, chainsaw, arms and pecs – still gets me excited! Shortly after this introduction to Schwarzenegger I was shown the Conan movies, which remain, to this day, some of my favorite no-brainer flicks (even though there was an occasional brilliant line). All this to say, I love Schwarzenegger movies and I talk about them so much and so enthusiastically that my friends and family know how much I love them.
I also love Dragon*Con. I go every year for all four days, it’s my vacation – the one thing I do for myself as a fan and a human being in need of a break from the daily grind. 2010’s Dragon*Con was epic. I had saved thousands of dollars that I was planning on burning on toys and photos and autographs and fuck all – it was my year – and it was a good one. There was an incredible line-up of Battlestar Galactica folk attending and a handful of Firefly folk as well. Not to mention Patrick Stewart and Malcolm McDowell (nerd swoon).
The con experience, was – as always – hectic and fun, sometimes sweaty and tiresome but all in all amazing. I managed to wait until the last day of the con to spend the remaining couple hundred dollars I had on me and I wisely spent them on some Little Damn Heroes. I checked the schedule to see what panels were still running and who was still lingering about. Jewel Staite. Jewel Staite was still here and I had her Little Damn Hero in my hand. (If you don’t know, Jewel Staite played Kaylee in Joss Whedon’s Firefly. Also, shame on you for not knowing that.) My husband had already purchased an autographed Serenity ornament and I had the Wash Little Damn Hero at home on display. So, yeah, I was excited.
We maneuvered our way to the correct hotel and weaved through the remaining clumps of con-goers to wait in line for me to meet the cutest mechanic on a space boat ever. As we stood in line I noticed a man sitting at a table alone, with no sign about who he was or what he was doing there. I leaned over to my husband and asked, “Who’s that dude?” (yeah, I say dude, deal with it). As flippantly as if I had asked what color the sky was, my husband, who knows me better than anyone in the world and puts up with my unhealthy love affair of all things Schwarzenegger, responds, “Oh, that’s the new Conan.”
I was stunned. I did NOT know there was a new Conan being made (you see, people who really love me, kept it from me – because they love me). After blinking confusedly for a moment I looked at my “husband” and said, “Him?” I now fully understood why this line, “Her?”, from Arrested Development always felt so awkward and perfect. Without a beat my “husband’s” face was simultaneously distraught and amused. I was not amused. The line to meet Jewel continued to move while my brain attempted to process the information I was just bitch-slapped with. Before I knew it we were at the table with a smiling, adorable Jewel sitting looking up at me. Haphazardly, I handed her assistant my money for her signature and managed to get out, “Hello”, before handing her the stand to her Little Damn Hero.
I don’t even remember the full extent of the conversation I had with Jewel, which makes me sad. I do remember that she said she knew what the base was I was giving her to sign and that she really liked them. And, she asked me if I had enjoyed the con. JEWEL STAITE ASKED ME IF I ENJOYED THE CON. I should have been asking her. I should have been telling her how much I loved her as Kaylee and how I was making my own Kaylee umbrella, but all I could do was smile and say, “Oh yes, very much. I’m sorry, I’m distracted.” Yes, I did actually admit that I was distracted. She smiled and nodded, shook my hand and said thank you and my “husband” ushered me away.
We exited the hall. I turned, looked dead at my “husband” and said, “Him?” one more time. To which he laughed and pointed out that I had just met Jewel Staite, so that should have made up for it. It did. But it didn’t make up for the bombshell I felt was dropped on me, or the fact that I felt like a tit.
Let me say here, Jewel Staite is damned adorable and took time to talk to me and shake my hand, even though I was clearly caught up in my own head about this new “Conan”. She gave me an awesome experience – I was just not able to appreciate it at the time… because of Jason Momoa (and my “husband”).
Now, I should point out, I have nothing against Jason Momoa. I was/am not a fan of the Conan remake, you can see that over at Breed Geeks: Conan vs. Conan, but Momoa as a person doesn’t offend me at all. In fact, I love him in The Game of Thrones. (Who doesn’t, right?). I should also point out, that I am still married and I put quotes around husband to really emphasize my irritation with him at that moment.
It dawns on me now that while I feel like I missed out on an awesome opportunity to make nice with a favorite character actor, my disconnection probably made Jewel feel more awkward than I did. Jewel, if you read this, I’m sorry.
1 fuck was given in the making of this article.