What is a “But Out” Bag?
Bug Out Bag: A prepared bag that one grabs filled with items of the utmost necessity for an emergency evacuation during an apocalyptic situation.  The shit that you will, without question, need to survive.

It’s Part IV, cats and kittens.  I don’t want to slow this down because you want to know more; you NEED to know more.  I can tell that you’re absolutely frothy with antici…

A towel
ALWAYS KNOW WHERE YOUR TOWEL IS!  If you don’t get that reference your on the wrong fucking page buddy.

Writing tools
A pen, pencil and paper.  You want to have the ability to write down things that you really need to know down the line.  “Dear Diary: Do not eat the black and green berries on this particular shrub.  I seem to have shit out my gallbladder in a bad way.”  Always good to remember helpful tips for survival.

A Map (with a compass)
“Oh but I’ve got Google Maps on my phone.”  Fuck you!  FUCK YOU WITH A DEAD DOG’S COCK!  Shit has gone the FUCK DOWN!  Ain’t no Google NUFIN ANYMORE!  Get a fucking map and learn how to figure out direction based on the sun, stars and moss on a goddamn tree!  And if you mention your fucking smart phone to me one more fucking time I will make you swallow it and then call you every five minutes just so I can hear your large intestine sing Justin Bieber to me, you useless punter.

The Freshness
You’re probably going to want to have three to four days worth of clean underwear and socks.  That’s about it.  Come to grips with the fact that the clothes you have on (hopefully something that says “survival” and not “high fashion”) are going to get ratty and ragged and filled with holes and smattered with the blood of Norwegians.  It’s the end of the world.  No one gives a shit what you look like.  That being said, socks are going to rub around between your shoes and your feet.  You don’t want them to get so disgusting that they start to breed all sorts of fun things in your shoes that lead to a very inconvenient amputation.  Change socks every couple of days with fresh ones and wash the dirty ones.  Underwear should be done in about the same way…unless you’re going commando…which I am…right now…enjoy.

Darwin Law’s Preparation Tips:

I know I went easy on you for the lead in so I’m gonna ramble for a bit here on what you don’t need in your bag.

I know that you probably want to carry a ton of stuff with you but here’s the reality of the situation: You’re running for it and you’re going to need to travel light as hell.  If you’re slow then you’re done.

Have you ever watched any of those nature shows where they show you the “beauty” of the “cycle of life”; predators and prey and what not?  Have you?  If you have, how beautiful do you think it would be if you were the gazelle being eaten alive by a pride of lions?  And there’s my point.  Oh if you haven’t seen any of those shows, check em out.  If you’re lucky…there’s animal porn.

Now, I say all of that to say this, you don’t need a fucking kitchen sink.  Okay, if you need your stuffed hedgehog (“Mr. Wrinkles”) or else you can’t sleep, that’s fine.  Bring him.  You want to bring your great-aunt’s complete set of Time/Life pewter dishes showing the Spanish Civil War?  Congratulations…you’re a gazelle.

If it means that much to you, set up a stash; a hidey hole to keep important personal stuff in.  Commit it to memory or leave some sort of small sign that will tip you off to its location.  Don’t mark it on a map.  DON’T DO THAT!  If you get got and they take your map then guess what?  They’re going on a treasure hunt.  They’ll find your diary.  Then they’re going to make fun of you…while they fuck your spleen.

Speaking of reading materials, there are tons of great documents out there that can help you prepare for bugging out.  One that I fall back on regularly is the US Military Survival Manual FM 21-76.  Give it a read and take what you need from it.  But, do yourself a favor, don’t try and carry it with you, or any of the huge books out there on how to survive.

You really need to commit a lot of this stuff to memory.  Use your smarty-brains and retain it there.  If you can’t remember it all then jot a few things down on a notepad.  Yes, this involves studying and other things that feel like work but I’m guessing that you want to live.  I could be wrong but I thought you wanted to live…gazelle.

I’m on the fence about portable generators.  You’ve seen them, right?  They’re small, hand cranked generators that have a spotlight, radio, emergency flashers and plugins for your cell phone, iPod and vibrator.  I’m gonna say no just because you’re going to have a flashlight, a radio is something you could pass on if you have a proper plan (for the most part…plans don’t always go as planned) and is a luxury unless you’ve got a wealth of space.  You’re not going to need emergency flashers because, well, IT’S THE FUCKING END OF THE WORLD!  As for the plugins, you’re not going to have much use for two out of the three items I listed.  I’ll let you guess which one is the most important.  Shhhhhhhh…it’s the last one.

What else do you want to leave out?  Everything that I don’t tell you to bring.  Why’s that?  Because, if you have extra room, that’s a good thing.  It means that you’ve got a lighter bag and can move faster and quicker.  It also means that if you find something that suddenly becomes a must to carry with you (e.g. The Necronomicon or one ring to rule them all) then you have the ability to carry it and don’t have to make a tough choice on what to dump.

Okay, my darling little gazelle, this is the end of Part IV.  Get some rest, digest what I’ve said and prepare yourself for the end of days.  AirkissAirkissCiao.

Oh yeah…I almost forgot.