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Teenagers & Condoms

The other day while cleaning my sons room, I found an open pack of condoms. He's only 14, and I'm understandably freaked out. What do I do? Is he a sailor?  If not, throw those [...]

By |August 16th, 2012|Sex Spider Sexual Advice|0 Comments

My husband wants a kid. I want a cat. What do we do?

Pull your pants down, show him that he could have a pussy if he’d shut his mouth about the kid.  Or get divorced and just get out there and bang all the people you can!!!

By |August 16th, 2012|Sex Spider Sexual Advice|0 Comments

Home Appliances…

I'm renovating my kitchen. How should I go about shopping for new appliances? Jesus this sounds like the unsexiest thing ever...  Put a sex swing in the breakfast nook.  Then the only thing you would [...]

By |August 7th, 2012|Sex Spider Sexual Advice|0 Comments

Down and Out Friends…

We're friends with a couple and, uhm, the husband just lost his job. How should we approach social situations where money might be spent (eg going to the movies or dining out)? Simple. Whenever I [...]

By |August 7th, 2012|Sex Spider Sexual Advice|0 Comments

My neighbors leave their dog outside, all of the time. It is constantly barking. Should I call animal control?

Kill the dog.  When your neighbor is crushed from losing their companion, you sneak in and be the shoulder to cry on.  Just when they think they’ve found a friend, slide a finger down their [...]

By |August 3rd, 2012|Sex Spider Sexual Advice|0 Comments

My boyfriend has two cell phones. It makes me jealous. What do I do?

You said boyfriend, can I assume you’re female?  It doesn’t matter the answer is the same across the board.  You sex that boyfriend up until he can’t remember how to use a cell phone!

By |August 3rd, 2012|Sex Spider Sexual Advice|3 Comments