My wife and I have come into some money recently.  We’re trying to decide if we should find a broker and invest in the some stocks or just put it into a traditional saving account?

Fuck both of those things.  What you and your wife need to do is buy a bunch of mattresses.  In Cock Spire, it’s one big mattress.  Then you invite all your friends over and have a fuck party.  Things should be stuck in every hole possible!  Give another dude a hand job!  You’ve been jerking it all your life, you can give a hand job better than any of your female friends.  Holy arms of fuck this sounds glorious!!!!  Send me an e-vite!!