(Authors note: I’m using the word “sexy” here as defined by costume manufacturers… meaning revealing or skimpy)
I love Halloween.
I do not love sexy Halloween costumes.
And, let me get this out of the way before we move forward: I love women, I love boobs, I have NO problem with women wearing sexy Halloween costumes which allow me to stare at their boobs, legs or ass. I also have no problem with men wearing sexy Halloween costumes which allow me to stare at whatever they’re willing to show me (though this is far less likely).
Now that that is out of the way, let me tell you why I do not love sexy Halloween costumes. They are (usually) fucking lame. I’m not saying that all Halloween costumes have to be original, but I think if you’re going to show off your body and dress up as a sexy something it should be a sexy something that is original and will make me want to look at your costume and not just your boobs (or ass, gents). So, pay attention…
Original boobs, original costumes
Halloween costumes these days come sexy and ready to wear. It’s like the manufacturers have decided that women want nothing more than to be a sexy maid, sexy witch, sexy angel, sexy <insert costume idea here>. This is fucking boring. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be a maid of any kind, especially a sexy one. If you’re going to purchase a pre-fab costume, be prepared for it to look pre-fab and not at all unique or original. Now, if being a sexy witch is your yearly desire that you only get to express on Halloween, by all means, slut that witch up. But, if you’re just purchasing your sexy angel costume because it’s what they have available and your tits look good in white – try something else.
Slutty is not sexy, sexy is sexy
Here’s the thing ladies and gents, sexy is subjective, I know this. But there is a line for everyone between slutty and sexy. For instance: if you’re going to dress up in next to nothing, be sure to pull it off. Be confident. If you leave the house in a thong and some pasties with bones drawn on in sharpie, stumbling around giggling like a twit – rest assured, you’re going to look slutty to me. But, if you leave the house in a thong and some pasties with bones drawn on in sharpie with your head held high carrying a bone prop looking fierce as fuck – sexy (again, to me.). The key here is to really play the part (if your part is just being slutty – more power to you – ignore this article entirely). Really, though, if you want to pull off being a sexy skeleton – by the power of Grayskull…
Your body, your style, your sexy
Halloween costumes are rarely made to fit every body type. Nobody wants to look at someone that looks like they were shoved, stuffed and squeezed into a costume. It’s not a pretty picture. This goes for people of all shapes and sizes. If the costume doesn’t fit properly, you’re not going to look sexy. You’re going to look ridiculous. Say it with me folks, RIDICULOUS. The best way to avoid this is to try on your costume. Look in the mirror figure out where your costume works and doesn’t work and modify it so you’ll look your very best. I know, I know “but Bella, Halloween isn’t always about looking your best, it’s about having fun”. Yeah, I get that, but you know what, if you want to dress up as Conan and your balls are hanging out of your loin cloth, that’s not sexy, that’s sloppy. Sayin’.
Sometimes not sexy is sexy
My number one reason for hating sexy Halloween costumes is that there are so many other options out there. Sexy for Halloween is getting boring. I can only look at the same costume so many times before I’m bored out of my mind. Even I get to the point where the boobs and the butts start to run together and I’m not enjoying myself anymore. Do something else, people. Cute is sexy. Strong is sexy. Smart is sexy. Powerful is sexy. There is a plethora of characters out there that are perceived as sexy and can be pulled off for Halloween without showing all that Crom Swanson gave you. For instance Captain Mal, Han Solo, Buffy, Starbuck, Doctor Who, Agent Hill, Khaleesi… There are more – of course – but these are some of the most prominent today in pop culture, easy to put together, recognizable, and yes – SEXY.