Some years back my college roommate and I find ourselves (as we often did back then) drunk, broke, hungry, and watching horror movies..in this case Children of the Corn movies.
After a half hour of my roommate whining about his wasting away to 300 lbs. for lack of food, I stumble into what our college laughingly called a “kitchen” to see what we had.
Long story short, we had not much. Odds and ends. A couple slices of cooked bacon from breakfast. An egg and some butter and some milk. Maybe a tablespoon of honey left in the bear. About half a jar of pickled jalapeños. Double shot of Makers Mark…and one of those instant cornbread mixes.
I was as surprised as anyone reading this.
Who stuck a small box of cornbread mix into a college kid’s care package?
Who does that?
Either my mom or my roommate’s mom, that’s who.
Anyway, I follow the very simple directions on the box and add the bacon and pickled jalapenos after chopping. Honey and bourbon are cornbread’s new best friends. Melt the butter and pour over the cornbread when it comes out of the oven. Wait 10 minutes then slice and eat like a zombie eats a vegan.
Movies are optional, but “He Who Walks Behind The Rows” knows that there isnt much better in the pre-dawn hours than horror movies and buttered cornbread full of bacon-y, bourbon-y, pickled jalapeño-ish goodness.
Or badness depending on your nutritional viewpoint.
In following years I tweaked and re-worked the dish into something resembling an actual recipe you can use on Thanksgiving…or any night you’re out of food and watching creepy kids terrorize clueless meddling adults.
It takes about 10 minutes to get this together and about another 25 minutes in a 400 degree pre-heated oven. Just use a skewer to make sure the cornbread is cooked through before pulling.
My days of box mixes for cakes and such are long behind me, this recipe includes a list of ingredients you’ll need to get this done.
Children of the Cornbread
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Appetizer, Bread, Breakfast, Lunch, Side Dish, Snack, Starter
Child Friendly, Pre-preparable, Serve Cold, Serve Hot
Barbecue, Birthday Party, Casual Party, Christmas, Easter, Formal Party, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Valentines day
- 1 cup AP flour
- 1 cup yellow cornmeal
- 1 tablespoon baking powder
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt
- 2oz bourbon
- 2 slices of pre-cooked bacon (chopped into 1/2" bits)
- 2 eggs ( beaten and spiked with hot sauce [to taste])
- 1/2 cup butter (melted)
- 1 cup half and half
- 1 teaspoon smoked paprika
- 1/2 cup honey
||preheat oven to 400 degrees |
||in 1 bowl sift together the dry ingredients-flour, cornmeal, smoked paprika, kosher salt, and the baking powder |
||in a 2nd bowl mix together the chopped bacon and pickled jalapenos, beaten eggs, half and half, bourbon, honey, and half of the melted butter (about a quarter cup) |
||add the ingredients of bowl 2 (the wet stuff) into the contents of bowl 1 (the dry stuff) and mix for ONLY a count of 10. Any more (over)mixing and the final result will be frakked. |
||pour your lumpy, unappealing mess into a small cake or loaf pan and get that pan into the oven right away please |
||25ish minutes later, check the cornbread's center using a skewer or toothpick...assuming you haven't offended the Gods you should be good to go...place pan on the counter and pour the remaining melted butter (about a quarter cup) over the top |
||10 minutes later you're greenlighted to slice and eat and hopefully enjoy! |
I STRONGLY recommend using a non-stick cake or loaf pan or ideally one of those super-cool silicone pans...otherwise you need to get into lubricants...which isn't as much fun as it sounds