Dear New Cultist,
Welcome to the Cult of Cthulhu! Find enclosed your Standard dun-colored Hood and Robe. Before Orientation begins, please make sure to consult the following pages in the Cultist Handbook of Eternal Madness:
Getting Started Guide: “So My Mind is Now the Plaything of the Old Ones. Now What?”: A 10-Step Guide to Becoming a Top-Notch Harbinger of the Apocalypse, pp. 3-12.
Organizational Flowchart (disregard portions relating to the Relic Management and Personnel Divisions, as they have since been changed), pp. 17-9.
Ritual Chants (English), pp. 56-65.
Ritual Chants (Old Tongue), specifically the “Ode to Spe’Gyhmn Ka-Mwl” (this year’s invocational theme), pp. 67.
Computer Training will begin at 11 AM sharp, and will bring you up to speed on our latest venture – psychically infiltrating the masses by answering silly questions in some writhing corner of the Internet. Please bring your own USB drive, and be prepared to fill our your identity questionnaires and paperwork.
We’d wish you a successful and stress-free orientation as you prepare yourself for service to the Darkness, but your soul and your very Being are now but gristle lodged in the teeth of an unknowable and thought-annihlating void!
Looking forward to a great year!
– Your Cult of Cthulhu Orientation Team